Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She told me I should be a condom model.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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