So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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