dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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