The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
