Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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