This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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