And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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