Your mouth is God's brothel.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
