I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
