Your tits are I can't wait for
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
