i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
