I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
