my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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