I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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