Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
