Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
