I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
