either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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