Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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