Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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