By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
