Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
