he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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