i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need moral support for this bender
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
