She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
