my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How external is "for external use only"?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
