How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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