ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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