I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize