the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize