The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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