Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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