OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
