You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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