It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
