No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Will exercising make me less horny?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
