Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
