is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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