I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
