My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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