I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
