you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
