I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
