I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
