ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
