I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish there were birth control emojis
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
