"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
