I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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