I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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