I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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