Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize