Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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