I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
