Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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