just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
