Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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