Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
