I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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