My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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