You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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