Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
