I hate your face
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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