Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
