can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize