Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
