carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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