i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
