I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
