can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
