The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
zippers are such a cool invention
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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