Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
