I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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