Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
