The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
