I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
