I'm drive I can fine osifer
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize