we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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