TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
