I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
