I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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