I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
